3AM

3AM

 I heard a wise man once saying, “real men fight on their knees.” The reality is that there comes a time for the weakness of the living to search for the endless possibilities of the eternal. I have never considered myself to be such a man. I have never been that type of a fighter. I usually seclude myself from conflict and hide within the tissues of my rationale. And in those places where I tend to retreat, many things tend to happen, particularly, with the way my thoughts begin to develop.

A few months back, a series of events that took place in my life, forced me stay away for a while. These unexpected situations and dilemmas took for most part, the best of who I am. The fact is that the hostility that is created in the mind of men usually drains the energy of the will and slams the potential of the body straight to the ground. This is no ordinary affair. Something meaningful and special must be done in order to go through the battle.

In my case, the decision was simple. I decided to look for more. I took upon the challenge of getting to know myself in a different place…in a different feeling. I wanted, for the first time in many years, to experience the spiritual separation of the mind from this world. To be somehow detached from what my normalcy had been, and to wonder into the uncharted real states of my soul. I have experienced a lot of pain. A lot of discomfort, but knees were fortunately fine. So instead of putting my gloves on, I shifted the small carpet laid in from of my bed and knelt on it.

I looked up to the ceiling having no idea of what to say or do for that matter, but that did not deter me from what I wanted to do. I really desired to experience this type of fight as an amateur and see how far I would go. I welcomed and embraced the idea of doing something different. I need it. My body, my mind, my soul and spirit were begging for it. And so, the evening began that way. A gentle yet significant submission of the weak, longing for the fortitude of the holy! A desperate cry into the night, and the tears of a fighter admitting defeat.

I was not sure why the event took place that day. I am also unable to explain the truth of the hour in which it happened, but I suppose the details of these inquiries were all but distracting from the fact that for the first time in many years, I found myself praying to the Almighty! Suddenly, the knot of my back, the same on that had continuously interrupted my dreams, began to scream in confusion and complaint. My vertebrae, the same one that now leans to the left, began to shake to distract me from the fight. My disks, the ones that look like flat tires in the x-rays, suddenly began to gasp for air. And all these sensations enclosed in the wrist of pain began to accept the fact that they were losing the grip on me. I surprisingly began to shift away from them, and immediately, began to feel different. I began to feel lighter. I began to feel weightless.

The darkness, product of closed eyes, was getting darker by the minute. The temperature in the room began to shift, and the sweat drops that were sometimes disguised with my tears, began to disappear. My knees no longer felt the floor. I was suddenly taken to a different state of mind, to a completely new field! I did not want to open my eyes…I did not wat to stop. In the middle of my conversation with Him, I began to cry uncontrollably. I was sobbing. I remember not being able to breathe occasionally. 

And then I also began to think, was this the way Peter cried when he denied him? Was this cry like David’s in times of his most definite needs? Was this the same cry Jude had to the realization that a kiss and small bag of thirty coins resulted in his condemnation? I was not sure about any of that. But I did know that something special was taken place. I was being heard! I felt it. And I am not sure if I began to shake from fear, or from the low temperatures I was now involved with, but now the fight began to take a turn on its own.

I found myself defenseless. I accepted myself as the defeated, and like Moses did on top of that hill, unexpectedly my arms went up! The cry transitioned into a beautiful exchange of information that began from what I spoke, and that ended in the way I was feeling. An unexplained chain of different heartbeats took over my chest, and strangely enough, I felt taller. I felt as if I had been at least ten to twelve feet tall! It seemed like I was floating, levitating even, but that was not the case. I was simply standing much higher before, and when I opened my eyes in fear, I experience it! I saw myself looking down to my bed and to the carpet I was kneeling on earlier. It felt like my body stretched! 

I knew at that moment that things were never going to be the same. I looked at my wall clock after I was finished with my prayer and realized what time it was. It was 3AM. I have heard interesting things about that hour and read about testimonies and stories that have been shared by people that also prayed at time in one point of their lives. They have also been changed! I can’t explain it. But this is true. Since that day on, I have not stopped. I have an urge and addictive desire to continue to feel what I felt that night, and I wake up at that point of the evening to find him again. To feel what I felt, and to work on my future. I wish we could all do this. I pray that people may also find the desire and ultimate wish to be and to feel better by looking for him the way I did. It is a life-changing experience. One that I do not want to be removed from.

I don’t remember to have had the need to fight in my past, but I recently had to do it. They say desperate situations call for desperate measures. And that I did. I did not fight with my fists. I fought with faith. I have not shared any new stories or episodes in this podcast for a while! And now you know why. I was down and limited by a series of medical and physical conditions, but instead of coming back to share a sad narrative, I am the happiest I have felt in a very long time. And I wanted all of you to know that. And if there is something that I would also like to share, is that fact that I am different! I have changed! And I will me more that happy to share what I have in store in the new coming episodes. It’s going to be great! It will be a wholesome adventure.

Thank you for your unconditional support, and for the number of downloads you have thanked me with during my absence. I can’t thank you enough! My name is Ralph, and I want you to know that I am ready to roll…let’s do this!

R. Cortes
TITD The Podcast - 2022